Chapter 10: Breakeven

Kitty paced anxiously outside of the coffee shop. She glanced through the window, spotting him almost instantly.

Guilt swelled in her chest. 

He'd cut his hair, dressed up and was grinning while she had trouble convincing herself to even enter.

She inhaled deeply and made her way to the door.

She wanted to run, but she had something to take care of.

Something she should have already taken care of.

Kitty pushed the door open, flinching as a set of bells went off. She frowned at the scent of coffee that drowned the place.

David turned to look at the door. His grin getting impossibly wider when his eyes met hers.

"You're actually here." He stood up, his voice breathless.

"Yeah, apparently I am." Kitty stepped away from him, sitting across the table.

He frowned slightly but quickly recomposed himself.

"Sorry I'm a bit late." Kitty muttered under her breath. Her eyes on the floor, refusing to meet David's.

"It's okay. I know you were probably outside trying to convince yourself to even come in." David grinned at her.

"Not that I mind of course."

He smiled. 

His hands inched closer to her.

His eyes tried desperately to meet hers.

With his every gesture he was trying desperately to tell her he was in love with her.

Kitty forced herself to ignore him.

Ignore the pain swimming in his emerald eyes. 

"So what did you want to see me for?"

David sighed.

"I want to you to know what it did to me when you left." He kept his eyes on her. 

"Losing you killed me, Kat-"

"Kitty."

"No." David frowned. "I wasn't abandoned by Kitty. Kat broke my heart."

"What do you think this information is going to do David?" Kitty shouted, her eyes finally meeting his.

"Do you want me to feel guilty and get back together with you out of pity?"

"No."

"Then what the hell do you want?" She growled, leaning back in her seat.

"I want to be friends again." He reached out for her hand. He flinched when she pulled away from him.

"Why?"

"I didn't just lose my girlfriend when you left. I lost my best friend." David sighed again.

"So with that in mind. I rejected my scholarship for the college in Appaloosa Plains and I'm moving to Bridgeport."

Kitty stared at him, eyes wide with disbelief.

"You've wanted to go to that college since we were twelve David." Kitty hissed under her breath.

"I don't even want to see you right now. Why would you give that up for me?"

"I've spent the last two years searching for you. How can I let you go now that I've finally found you?" His eyes were filled with tears. He tried to inch closer, but Kitty would move away each time.

"You just walk away." Kitty responded. She slowly moved her eyes back to his.

"Is that what you did?"

Kitty straightened in her seat, her face and voice cold.

"Yes."

The light left David's eyes as his shoulders fell. His eyes fell to his lap.

For a moment the coffee shop was silent. Neither spoke.

"I thought you loved me." Kitty could hear the tears in his voice that he forced back.

"I thought I did too David, but my feelings for you," Kitty paused. She bit the inside of her cheek, thinking of the proper way to word her feelings.

"My feelings for you were never romantic. It was strictly platonic for me."

"I thought we were soulmates..."

"We were fifteen David."

"I love you Katherine!" David stood from his seat, leaning across the table.

"I would do anything for you. Even put my dreams on hold just to be closer, but you had to be convinced to even spend one evening with me."

"You do not love me!" Kitty screamed, standing from her seat, knocking the table to the ground.

She glared at her feet, fists clenched at her sides. She could feel her nails begin to puncture the skin on her palm.

"I have to go."

"Kat- Kitty wait please. Please don't go." David ran around the table to her side. Kitty's heart ached for her childhood friend at the pain so clearly written on his face.

"Because I don't want to see you anymore." She turned away from him and made her way to the door.

"Kitty please!" He called out after her. "Please don't go."

Kitty paused for a moment, remembering she still had to say something.

She turned around, ready to talk to him once more, but she continued her path to the door as soon as she laid eyes on him.

It was better this way.

Better that she break him, repaint the image he held so tightly in his heart into something grotesque.

Kitty ran out of the coffee shop. Shivering as the cold winter air met her skin.

"Katherine, please just let me finish." Kitty froze where she stood, surprised he'd followed her outside.

"Please Kat. I'm sorry, truly I am." Kitty refused to turn and face him. Kept her eyes on the street before her.

"Please. If you leave now I'll never see you again and I can't live with that."

"Why not, David? I'm just a person and yet I seem to have become the epicenter of your life." Kitty spoke softly, her hands gripped her shoulders.

"I abandoned you for two years, so why do still care so much?"

"Because I love you. It's a simple as that."

"You do not love me." Kitty hissed darkly, spinning on her heel to face him.

"What you feel for me. What ever this is. It's not love David. It's an obsession."

"What do you want from me?" David struggled to contain the volume of his voice.

"Most girls would give anything for a guy who would drop everything for them."

"When have I ever been like most girls David?" Kitty groaned to hide her slight chuckle.

"What is it going to take for me to show you that I love you?"

"David, you're just clinging to what's familiar. You're scared of the unknown. Of knew people." Kitty tried to smile reassuringly at him. 

"I get David. I am too-"

Kitty was abruptly cut off by David crushing his lips against hers. 

Kitty pushed him back, struggling to get out of his grip.

He was relentless struggling to keep a hold of her, while she continued to attempt to push him away.

Finally he released her, breathing heavily.

Kitty's eyes shifted to slits as she shoved him backwards knocking him down, her hands burning.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Kitty screamed when David got back up to his feet.

"I just... I thought that if I-"

"What that there'd be a spark of chemistry and everything would be all better?" David took a step back, and Kitty took a step forward.

"Kat, I'm sorry I just-"

"It's Kitty now, David. I'm not Kat anymore." Kitty hissed, pushing his shoulders back.

"You call me Kat again, and I'm going to beat the shit out of you."

"Doesn't that seem a bit extreme?" David tried to respond jokingly.

"David shut up." Kitty hissed, turning to walk away.

She turned back around, walking up to him, her face centimeters from his.

"You ever touch me without my consent again, and you're dead."

"I just wanted to show you I love you!" David whined, grabbing Kitty's wrist.

"Why? Why is that so damned important to you?" Kitty asked, her tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"Because I love you. I have always loved you. And maybe if you see how much I love you, even after everything you did to me, maybe you can finally learn to love yourself." David responded, letting go of her wrist.

Kitty shook her head. She kept her gaze away from him.

"You're so stupid."

"Yeah I am." David's laugh was hollow.

"But this stupid man loves you desperately."

"I'm not even human, David. I'm.. I'm a monster."

"No you aren't." Kitty finally glanced up at him, a gentle smile on his face.

"The soul makes the monster, not the species."

"I don't want to be with you, David."

His smiled saddened but stayed.

"I know, but I still want to be your friend."

"Is that really all you want?" Kitty crossed her arms. She kept eye contact with him, waiting for the lie.

"No." Her eyes widened.

"I want so much more than that, but I want to start as friends."

"I really don't think that's a good idea. You're going to hurt yourself." Kitty shook her head, hair falling in front of her face.

"Let me worry about that." David smiled, taking a step closer to her.

"This is my choice, and I accept the consequences of it. Please just... Can we be friends again?"

Kitty sighed, kicking at the snow at her feet.

"Okay, but I have a condition."

"Anything. Just tell me. I'll do anything." His grin looked as though it'd stretch out his face.

"Have you told your parents you found me?"

"Not yet, but they're going to be so happy to hear you're okay-"

"Don't tell them. That's my condition." Kitty cut him off, shaking with fear.

"If you ever loved me, please just don't tell them. Don't ever tell them you found me or about my friend."

David brushed a strand of hair out of her face, resting his palm against her cheek.

"For you, of course I can."

...

Congratulations to Bridgport High's graduating class! Our Class will be taking many different routes in the future. Some to college, some are starting work and some of us have not yet found our way forward. No matter what it is we intend to do we will have many more obstacles to overcome. The future will have economic, health and emotional challenges as we dare to achieve new goals. 

But don't ever let that stop you.

Always keep moving forward.

"Nadine we did it!" Kitty cheered as she ran into her now former teacher's arms. 

Spikes walked slowly behind Kitty, grinning as she watched the two cheer.

"I am so proud of the two of you." Nadine squeezed Kitty in her arms and grinned at Spikes.

Both girls were grateful to have Nadine.

Both lacked any family, so Nadine's supportive presence was what they needed.

Especially Kitty who had nearly begun to see the art teacher as more of a maternal figure.

Spikes tuned out Nadine and Kitty's excited chatter, flinching slightly at the sound of Xander's voice.

It had been months since their arguement, and Spikes wasn't sure where they stood any longer.

Neither had declared themselves single, but neither had tried to talk about what happened.

Spikes hasn't even told Kitty about all that had happened.

She had tried to invite Xander to lunch with Kitty and Nadine.

However, Xander had responded with a callous comment that she should not be celebrating such a minor accomplishment in her life.

"Spikes, Nadine's talking you you." Kitty playful pushed her best friend's shoulder.

Spikes blinked, bringing Nadine's face into focus.

"I'm sorry Nadine. I zoned out a bit." Spikes admitted bashfully.

"I noticed." Nadine grinned, pulling out two small boxes from her pocket.

"I got presents for you two, but a lecture comes with them."

Kitty bounced with excitement, grabbing Spikes hand and entwining her fingers together.

"Spikes."

"Yes Nadine?" Nadine handed the purple box to Nadine, her grin widening as Spikes opened it.

"When I first met you, you were compared to thorns. You kept a wall of thorns between yourself and the world. I knew better though." Spikes's eyes widened as she pulled out a purple collar with silver spikes out.

"Thorns are weak and fragile. Not you though. You're made of strong metal Spikes. Life is going to throw so much at you, stay strong through it Spikes. 

You mentor would be so proud if she could see you now."

Kitty reached excitedly for the aqua box as Nadine handed it to her.

Kitty swooned as she held the small buttercup charm in her hand.

"Buttercups symbolize self worth, and courage. Two things you need, Sweetheart." Nadine stepped closer to Kitty, brushing a stand of hair over he shoulder.

"It also symbolizes the power of words. Once something is spoken it can only be forgiven, not forgotten.

So hear my words now. Be courageous and value yourself. Never settle for less."

Nadine and Kitty were both nearly in tears once Nadine had finished her small lectures.

She pulled both girls into a hug, laughing as she did so.

"You've both grown up so beautifully and I am so proud of you two." Spikes struggled to smile. Though Nadine spoke to both of them, her eyes were on Kitty.

"Anyways, enough water works. Let's go get something to eat."

Kitty wrapped an arm around Spikes's shoulder as they walked off of the school campus for the last time.

They both had their whole future ahead of them.

Through good and bad, the would both have something that most are not lucky enough to.

Neither would ever be alone again.

Chapter 9: I'm Not An Angel

Spikes grunted from the impact of Kitty slamming against her chest. She hesitated, unsure of how to proceed before returning the embrace at the sound of Kitty’s quite squeak-like hiccups.

Spikes stood silently with Kitty, gently stroking the cat’s hair until she stopped shaking.

She gestured Kitty towards the couch, sitting her down before stepping towards the kitchen.

She glanced over her shoulder, grinning as she watched Jinx and Damon both attach themselves to Kitty.

“Okay so do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” Spikes asked, peering in from the kitchen.

Kitty shook her head, refusing to look up to meet Spikes’s eyes. She sighed as she stroked Jinx’s back. Damon whimpered at her feet, nudging her leg gently.

She smiled briefly at the canine before looking away from him.

Kitty bit down on her lip as she scratched Jinx behind her ears. She tried to remain calm, to avoid the thought of David.

Tried desperately to avoid thinking of home, of what happened two year ago.

She tried to focus on her new life in Bridgeport with Spikes. The fresh start she’d needed.

So how did he find me?

She couldn’t stop from wondering how, and if his parents were with him, if they’d helped him.

“Kitty?” Spikes’s voice quickly pulled Kitty from her inner thoughts as she glanced up at the dog.

“I’m back.” Spikes grinned, setting a tray of hot cocoa and sweets on the coffee table. “I grabbed all your favorites.”

Kitty smiled, rolling her eyes as Spikes tried to force an oreo into her mouth. Kitty took the cookie from Spikes’s hand, picking up the mug on the table. 

“I should freak out more often if this is what I get for it.” Kitty giggled half heartedly. She quietly sipped at her cocoa, her eyes unfocused.

Spikes lifted her dog off of the couch before taking a seat next to Kitty.

“You’re going to have to talk to me eventually you know.”

Kitty sighed, setting the mug down. She pulled her knees up to chest, biting back tears.

“I uh… I basically ran into me ex?” Kitty responded quietly, glancing through her hair.

Spikes stared at Kitty with her eyes and mouth wide open, unsure of how take the information she’d been given.

“What do you look so surprised for? Did you really think I’ve never had a boyfriend before?” Kitty hissed at Spikes.

Spikes rolled her eyes, quickly recomposing herself.

“Kinda. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’ve never really seemed to be interested, let alone attracted to anyone.”

Kitty shrugged, reaching for her mug once again.

“I haven’t paid much attention to it, but I suppose you’re right.”

“So Kitty used to have a boyfriend.” Spikes mumbled, mostly to herself. 

“So what happened?”

Kitty rolled her eyes, tossing a throw pillow at Spikes. She easily pushed the pillow aside and laughed.

“Watch it Kitty! Spilling hot cocoa is punishable by death!”

“His name is David. We’d been best friends since we were in diapers.” Kitty started to speak. Her voice was low, eyes watching the ripples in her drink as she spoke.

“When we were 15 he admitted to having feelings for me, and I accepted them. I didn’t dislike him, so I didn’t see the harm in giving it a chance.”

“So why did you guys break up?” Spikes cut in, her eyes on Kitty’s.

“We had been together for a year, and I didn't quite feel like I loved him. But I thought that maybe I could love him, but maybe my secret was holding me back.” Kitty swallowed as a tear fell into her drink. 

“I thought I needed to tell him… what I am.”

Spikes stood from her seat, staring at her best friend with both fear and disbelief.

“Why?”

“Because how can you love someone you're hiding such a huge piece of yourself from. I really thought I could love him if I just told him.” Kitty’s voice grew quieter.

“He was so happy… He was so grateful I trusted him, and he accepted me completely.”

“What happened?” Spikes eyes her best friend suspiciously. Kitty’s sudden silence had her on edge. 

“Kitty, what happened?”

“Everything was perfect. He’d accepted me, and I thought I’d start to really feel something finally.” Kitty whimpered. 

“But he’s such a good kid. He always had been. He told his parents and…”

Spikes shivered, swallowing before taking a step closer to Kitty.

“And what?”

“I was just a kid… I’d grown with his family my entire life, they were our neighbors.” Kitty wiped tears from her eyes.

“How was I supposed to know they were hunters?”

“I’ll be back.” Spikes muttered under her breath as she walked to the front door, whistling for Damon to follow.

“Spikes stop!” Kitty called out as she ran after her. 

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m gonna kill him. Damon has his scent from your clothes.” Spikes looked up, into her best friend’s eyes. 

“Tonight he breathes his last.”

“Spikes you can’t do that please!” Kitty pleaded reaching for her best friend.

“You can’t do this.”

“There is a monster in town, and like it or not. I’m going to protect you.” Spikes barked at Kitty, startling her. “Revenge for you, is just a bonus.”

“Spikes he doesn’t even know his parents are hunters!” Kitty pleaded, grabbing her hand.

“He’ll know eventually and eventually he will follow in their footsteps.” Spikes pulled her hand out of Kitty’s.

“I’m doing what needs to be done. They killed your father!”

“You think I don’t know that?” Kitty hissed, fire in her voice.

“You think I haven’t dreamed of taking everything from them as easily as they took it from me?”

Spikes growled, turning her back to Kitty.

“Then why not do it?”

“Because I’m better than them.” Kitty responded, grabbing Spikes’s shoulder.

“I refuse to let myself become like them. I won’t be a monster.”

Spikes stayed silent, eyes still on the door until Kitty sighed softly, releasing her shoulder.

“I know I can’t stop you from going, but I’m not letting you leave without giving me your word that you won’t hurt him.”

“I give it.” Spikes sighed softly, hand on the door handle. 

“I fucking hate that you know me so well.”

...

Spikes quickly found herself in a small park that overlooked the city. She inhaled the icy winter air deeply, grinning as she turned to find the brown haired male standing by the railing.

“New to the big city?” She spoke softly as she walked from behind him.

“New to this one, how’d you know?” He smiled politely at her before looking back out at the sky.

“Most locals don’t care for a romanticised view of the same city that see everyday.” Spikes smiled sweetly, leaning against the railing beside him.

“That, and a little Kitty told me.”

David jumped back, tripping over his own feet and crashing into the snow.

“What do you want with me?”

Spikes grinned before bending over to look at the young man at eye level.

“Why are you so scared? I haven’t even done anything yet.”

“You’re not human.” David tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“And you’re here on behalf of the woman who hates my guts. Sorry if I don’t expect good news.”

“Looks like my big brother taught me wrong.” Spikes chuckled, tracing lines in the snow with her finger.

“I guess not all humans are stupid.”

“What do you want from me?"

“I am asking the questions here, Human.” Spikes barked, causing him to flinch. 

“What do you want with Kitty?”

“I don’t understand.” David stuttered, glancing at the ground before returning his gaze Spikes.

“Answer my damn question, or I will let my boy here rip you apart.” Spikes snarled. Damon barked in agreement.

“Nothing, I didn’t even expect to find her here. I just… wanted to see her.” David responded, hanging his head.

“That’s bullshit.” She got back to her feet, her glare fixed on David.

“Why on earth would you only want to see her? You’re probably here to manipulate her, to hurt her!”

David stood slowly, eyes on the ground as he inhaled deeply.

“I will take a lot from you, but don’t you dare accuse me of hurting her.” David’s hazel eyes burned with rage as the met Spikes’s.

“I love Katherine. With everything I have in me I love her, and she didn’t even bother to tell me she was leaving. She left me broken and I have never once even dreamt of hurting her.”

“She was crying when she got home.” Spikes sighed, looking down at Damon.

“I hate seeing her cry.”

“You love her, don’t you?”

Spikes’s face flushed crimson as she stared at David with bewilderment.

“What? No! Kitty is just my best friend, like a sister to me almost. I suppose I love her that way, but nothing more than that.”

Spikes stepped back from David, her eyes away from him.

“Seriously, why can’t two girls just be good friends anymore. Just because I care for her doesn’t mean I love her as more than my friend. Not every love is a romantic one.”

“Mine is.” David whispered, looking back out over the city.

Spikes paused her rambling, eyes wide as she stared at David.

His shoulders were slumped, his facial hair was short and patchy, and his hazel eyes revealed just how broken he felt.

“You really do love her, don’t you?”

“Yes.” David responded. 

“I was so happy to see her, hopeful I could maybe get another chance. Can you tell me what changed?”

“What?”

“She’s different. The light of her smile doesn’t reach her eyes anymore.” David turned to step closer to Spikes. 

“I knew losing her dad would hit her hard, but I never imagined… I never thought she’d lose a piece of herself with him.”

Spikes inhaled deeply. Her eyes traveling between Damon and her feet. She bit her lip, glancing at her dog one last time before stepping towards David.

“I’ll convince her to see you again. It may not be a date or anything, but it’ll be a chance.” Spikes almost grinned as she watched his face light up.

“I’m going to assume you have the same number you did when you saw her last, so I’ll be in touch.”

“That’s it? You’ll really help me?” David asked. 

Spikes turned to face him. His face stoic and cold, trying to remain cautious. But he could not hide the child-like excitement in his eyes.

“Shut up before I change my mind and decide to kill you after all.” Spikes smiled, turning to walk away to her jeep with Damon close behind her.

“Thank you.” David called after her before turning to leave himself.

Spikes watched him, quietly. She waited until he was gone before starting her jeep and making her way home.

“I just hope you don’t fuck this up Kid.”

...

Spikes shivered against the cold. It was Valentines, and needless to say she was surprise when Xander had called and asked if she had wanted to go out.

She grimaced at her outfit, wondering why she had bothered to get so dressed up.

She fidgeted with the hem of her gloves, anxiously awaiting Xander’s arrival.

She sighed with relief as his figure came into view.

“You look amazing, Spikes.” He smiled softly, taking her hand and gingerly kissing her fingertips.

“Oh. Uhm, Hi Sweetie?” Spikes’s face flushed deep crimson as she tried to hide behind her hair.

Xander chuckled, linking his arm with hers as he led her into the building.

“I’m sorry it’s a little last minute, but I was so wrapped up in my senior project that I forgot Valentines was today.”

“No Xander this is perfect!” Spikes exclaimed, grinning despite herself. 

“I’m really happy we’re going out at all.”

“I did say I would try.”

He led her into the building, laughing at the cheesy decor with her as they rode the elevator.

Xander rolled his eyes dramatically at the dimly lit restaurant.

Spikes giggled at his reaction, kissing his cheek as the hostess led them to their table.

They sat down and ate, Xander ordered some drinks for himself and shared with her. Spikes grinned as he talked about his plans for the future.

She blushed with excitement when he showed the same interest in her that she had shown to him.

Spikes was pleasantly surprised by his charming demeanor as he laughed and took everything in good humor.

Jokingly flirting with the gay waiter.

Listening intently to all she had to say.

Flirting with her.

Spikes could help but feel the night was almost too good to be true as the walked hand in hand in the moonlight back to his apartment.

“So, do you want to come in for dessert?” Xander asked, leading her inside.

“You know me all too well.” Spikes winked at him, handing him her coat.

“Wow, it’s actually clean in here.”

“Yeah, I got bored in between stressing about school and stressing about work.” Xander groaned. Spikes sighed sympathetically, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“I almost wish Kitty would let you move in. You’d be much less stressed.”

“I’m good actually.” Xander laughed, pulling away from Spikes.

“You should check out my room though. I think you’ll be surprised.”

Spikes gasped as she entered his room.

“You kept it?” She whispered as she stepped towards the painting on his wall.

“You made it for me. Of course I did.” He smiled, turning her around as he pressed his lips to her.

His hands slid up from her waist, cupping her cheeks. 

Spikes sighed happily, resting her hands along his ribs. 

What had begun gentle, quickly escalated to rough and passionate as they fell onto the bed.

Spikes whimpered quietly as he trailed kisses along her collarbone.

She blushed as she watched him remove his shirt, having forgotten how well toned he was. She ran her fingertips along his abdomen as though attempting to memorize the curvature of his muscles.

Spikes hesitated as a cold smirk came over his lips before they were on hers once more.

Her concerns easily pushed aside.

Xander kissed her roughly, gripping her hips as he pulled her against himself.

“I love you Alexander.” Spikes moaned as his lips parted from her. 

He paused for a moment, staring down at her before placing his lips against her neck. 

“I love you too Carissa.” 

... 

Spikes yawned loudly, sitting up in bed. She glanced at Xander, laughing at the mess of hair on top of his head.

She leaned over, kissing him gingerly before standing to get dressed.

“You’re up already?” He groaned before rolling back over, covering himself with blankets.

“I guess it’s a dog thing?” Spikes shrugged as she attempted to search for her clothes that had been tossed aside the night before.

Spikes squeaked with surprise as Xander wrapped his arms around her, kissing her shoulder blade.

“You’re so beautiful.”

“Are you in heat or something?” Spikes laughed, ducking out of his grip before pulling on her shirt.

“I have to go home. I really do not want to explain to Kitty why I didn’t go home last night.” 

Xander rolled his eyes, grabbing a pair of jeans from his drawer and tossing them to her. 

“You left them the last time you were here. Thought you’d prefer these over a skirt.” Xander commented before exiting his room. 

“Last night was wonderful.” Spikes sighed happily as she lowered herself onto her seat. 

“I can’t express what it means to me that you really did try”

Xander smiled briefly, his eyes never met hers though.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Of course I did.” He responded, running a head across his head. 

“I’m just worried you’ll begin to expect this as a regular thing.”

“Why is it a problem if I did?”

“It’s not me.” Xander sighed. 

“Suits, nice places, my hair down. None of it is me.”

“It doesn’t always have to be fancy like last night Xander. I don’t expect a lot.” Spikes cut in, reaching across the table for his hands.

“You say that, but you will. You always do. I’m starting to feel like no matter how I feel about you that we don’t have a future.” Xander responded, pulling his hands away from hers.

“How could you say that? We love each other… Doesn’t that mean we can get through anything?” Spikes stared down at her hands in her lap.

“I think we’re just too young to be committed like this.” Xander suggested. 

“Maybe we can try again when we’re older. When we’ve experienced more of life.”

“What does that even mean?” Spikes growled with confusion.

“Spikes you’re only the second woman I’ve ever been with. I’m pretty sure I’m the only man you have ever been with. Don’t you think we deserve more?”

Spikes shot up from her seat, throwing her seat back as she aimed for the door.

“Carissa wait, please?”

Spikes turned around at the sound of his voice, snarling like a wild animal. 

“Wait for what? You have what you wanted from me don’t you?”

“Carissa, stop. That is not all I want from you.”

“Why do you need other women then?” Spikes howled, forcing back tears.

“Why do you need more? Am I just a notch on the belt of women you desire?”

“That’s not it, Spikes. I think we both deserve the chance to try new things.” Xander attempted to explain, reaching for her hand.

“New things, or new people?” Spikes pulled her hand away from his own.

“I guess I can’t stop you. Go see other women. I guess I’m all used up.”

“I want you, Spikes. I want you, but I don’t think it’s wrong of me to want to try other women too before I commit myself to you.”

“You know Xander.” Spikes paused, her anger beginning to dissipate.

“I may not be your first, but I wanted to be your last.”

Spikes spun on her heel, racing out the door before Xander could say anymore, before he could think to try to stop her.

She ran home. Ran faster than she could remember running before and collapsed as soon as she entered the front door.

The tears she had desperately struggled to keep in ran easily down her cheeks as she sat in the comfortable silence of her own home.

She reflected on all the times she’d felt abandoned, used, or tossed aside.

By now she has thought, hoped, even prayed that Xander was different.

She held herself quietly as her body shook from her violent crying.

Chapter 8: Let Me Go

"So, welcome home I guess?" Kitty announced as the two girls stepped through the front door.

"You're going to be staying in my original room. Because whereas I am rich, I am not psychic."

Spikes nodded, trailing slowly behind Kitty. She took a moment to properly take in her surroundings, take in just how large the mansion was.

"Cause if I'd know, I would have had a room prepared for you when I had the house refurnished last month."

Spikes paid her no mind, remaining silent as Kitty toured the house with her.

Smiling hesitantly at Kitty's enthusiasm. 

She was still confused. Why would Kitty drop the charges?

Why pay her bail?

And then ask her to move in on top of everything?

"On your left is your temporary room, and straight ahead is mine." Kitty announced, pushing Spikes forward.

"What do you think?"

"I... I don't understand. Why are you doing all this for me?" Spikes asked. She kept her eyes ahead. Away from Kitty's piercing sapphire ones.

"You're my best friend." Kitty said gently, resting a hand on Spikes shoulder.

"Do you really think I'm gonna let you rot in some jail cell?"

"I can't ever repay you for this Kitty. I have nothing. I don't understand why you're being so kind to me."

Spikes fists curled at her sides.

"I'm nothing but an urchin from the street."

Kitty sighed softly, pulling Spikes into a hug.

"You don't have to repay me Spikes. It's what friends do." Kitty grinned.

"Real friends at least."

Spikes smiled, returning the hug from the cat.

She many not have understood why, but she did understand the cat's sincerity.

"Besides. You probably won't be thanking me when you see the room you'll be staying in for the next week." Kitty chuckled nervously, pushing Spikes towards the door to the room.

Spikes paused, taking in the room and all of it's frivolities.

"Hey Kitty, remember how I said I'd stop calling you princess?"

"Yes?"

"You can forget about that now." Spikes laughed, turning to face the cat.

"I thought you moved here last June?"

"I did, what about it?" Kitty scowled back at Spikes.

She crossed her arms over her chest, sticking out her lower lip.

"Then why does this look like a room for a child?"

"I... I really like stuffed animals and cute things, okay? Shut up." Kitty laughed, punching Spikes in the arm.

Spikes joined her laughter, throwing one of the toys at Kitty.

They both laughed, thrilled children to have finally found something each had been looking for.

A home.

...

"So what is going on with you and Mohawk-Guy?" Kitty asked as she plopped down onto the couch beside Spikes.

"Seriously Kitty? It's been a year. Can't you at least try to remember my boyfriend's name?" Spikes groaned, glaring at the feline beside her.

"I know his stupid name." Kitty protested. "I just don't feel like calling him by it."

"Whatever." Spikes rolled her eyes before bending over to pet her large dog.

"What do you mean what's going on with us?"

"I don't know. It's just," Kitty hesitated, cast a glance up at the ceiling.

"You guys don't act like you're dating. We're graduating at the end of this year, do you guys even have a plan?"

Spikes paused, staring down at Damon as the dog scratched at his ears.

"I... No. We haven't talked about it at all."

Kitty frowned, watching Spikes tense slightly.

"You guys are the weirdest couple I have ever even heard of." Kitty groaned. She leaned against the couch's armrest, Jinx sitting beside her.

"It just hasn't come up Kitty. It's not that big of a deal." Spikes retorted, throwing one of the couch pillows at her.

"... Is it really that bad?"

"Yes," Kitty responded.

Spikes glared at the cat, grabbing another pillow to throw at her.

"I just mean it's weird, Dude! You act more like friends than an actual couple." Kitty explained, swatting aside the second oncoming pillow.

"I think I've only ever seen you guys hold hands twice. That can't be good."

"We're just not into public displays of affection, Kitty." Spikes responded, lowering the pillow.

And her eyes.

"We're at a very mature place with our relationship and that's how we like it."

"Seriously Spikes? That's such bullshit." Kitty sighed.

"I'm not trying to bash on your relationship, but I just don't want to see you lying to yourself."

"What makes you think I'm lying to myself?"

Kitty frowned, glancing at Jinx before meeting her best friend's eyes.

"Because I know you hate wearing that contact lens, but he insists you wear it so you do." Kitty spoke softly, cautiously watching Spikes.

"You rarely smile around him and when you do, it's like it doesn't reach your eyes."

"That doesn't mean I'm lying to myself Kitty." Spikes insisted.

She stood from the couch as Damon began barking and ran for the door.

"I know you're worried, but things are fine. I'm happy."

Kitty watched Spikes retreat towards the door.

She sighed softly, placing her hand on Jinx's head.

"Do you even know what happiness is?" Kitty murmured under her breath before Spikes returned with Xander at her side.

"Hey Kitty." His voice was cold, monotone as it always was.

Kitty straightened herself and leaned back in her seat.

"Hey Mohawk."

"Seriously? When are you going to grow up and call me by my name?"

"I'll call you by your name, as soon as you prove to me you deserve one." Kitty grinned as she stood from the couch.

"Kitty..." Spikes glared at the cat as she brushed fur off of her pants.

"Anyways, I'm gonna change into something warmer and then I'm leaving." Kitty responded cheerfully.

"I'll see you later, Spikes."

Kitty pushed Xander with her shoulder as she walked past him, grinning all the while.

"Sometimes I wish you'd reconsider your friends." Xander groaned, dropping down onto the couch.

Spikes hesitated for a moment before taking a seat beside him.

She watched him, trying to read the emotions behind his stoic form.

"I... Xander can we talk?"

He lifted his head, his charcoal eyes meeting hers.

"Really? Okay." Xander asked, his voice remained cold.

He leaned over, resting his hand on her thigh.

"I was just wondering... Xander where do you see us after graduation?"

"With jobs and diplomas, why?"

"No, Xander. I mean us, our relationship." Spikes sighed as she fumbled with her hands.

"Where is our relationship going?"

Xander rolled his eyes and wrapped his other arm around Spikes's shoulder.

"We're just teenagers, Spikes. We don't need to worry about that right now." He kissed her nose before removing his arm from her shoulder.

"What is it you want exactly?"

"I don't know." Spikes groaned, leaning forward to rest her face in her hands.

Kitty's words were hitting her harder than she'd anticipated.

"Don't you think it's a little weird that we're not very affectionate?"

"Yeah it's weird. Cause we're not conforming like every other love struck dumbass." Xander sighed, as though he were explaining it to a child.

"I thought you liked being different."

"I do..." Spikes hesitated, glancing at Damon resting on the other couch.

You don't though, not really.

"We could try it though."

Spikes turned, eyes wide as she stared at Xander.

"We could try going out, and acting more... couple-y? I don't see the harm in trying."

"Are you serious?" Spikes questioned him.

teetering between glee and anxiety.

"Yeah. No guarantees Spikes, but I don't see the harm in trying."

...

Kitty sighed heavily, shivering against the cold breeze.

"Stupid Spikes had better appreciate this." Kitty growled under her breath, leaning against the railing of the cliff side overlooking the city.

It was beautiful covered in snow as the sun rose.

It was different to live somewhere with snow. It had never snowed in Starlight Shores, so her father would take a week off of work if not more to rent a cabin.

Kitty smiled at the memory of the many snow days with her father.

"I should have stayed in bed." Kitty whined, resting her head on the snow covered railing.

She pulled out her phone, about to text Spikes and ask if the coast was clear so she could go home.

"Kat... Is that you?"

His voice nearly made her drop her phone.

He couldn't be here. Not now. 

Not after nearly two years.

"It is... It is you isn't it? I can't be seeing things again."

Kitty's entire body shook, he breathing became labored as she scanned the area for the quickest possible.

She had to go. She couldn't see him.

Not him.

She turned to run. Run as far and fast as she could get.

But he grabbed her wrist as she was about to.

"David..." Her voice was breathless as she stared up into his hazel eyes.

"I found you... I finally found you."

He pulled her into his arms, resting his forehead on her shoulder.

"I'd almost given up, but I finally found you."

Kitty pushed him away. She took a step back, pressing herself against the railing preventing her from a hundred foot drop.

"How?" Kitty shook, clutching her hands to her chest.

"How did you find me?"

"Did you miss me?"

"I... I have to go." Kitty muttered as she tried to push past him.

He grabbed her arm, scowling until she turned to face him.

"Don't you dare. You abandoned me. It's been nearly two years, and you owe me an explanation."

"I don't owe you anything, David." Kitty hissed, her pupils beginning to form slits. 

"Get out of my way."

"No. You're going to answer me damnit."

"Answer what?"

"Not here. Come with me to the Winter Festival in town." His grip on her arm loosened, and his posture straightened.

Kitty glanced at the street, over the cliff, and then back to David before sighing heavily.

"Fine."

...

"It's great how much snow is in Bridgeport, don't you think so?" David grin as he fell on his back into a snow drift.

Kitty frowned, neglecting to respond as she focused on the snow man she was attempting to build.

"So how have you been, Kat?"

"Kitty." She hissed under her breath.

David rolled onto his side, glaring at her.

"How have you been, Kitty." He spat it like venom.

Kitty hesitated, glancing at him before returning her attention to her pile of snow.

"Good."

"I can't get more details than that?"

"No."

David hesitated, watching her cautiously while she continued to avoid his questions.

"How is your mom? I heard about your dad after you left."

"She's gone."

...

"Why did you leave?" He stared into her eyes, searching for the answers he felt she would never give.

He wasn't wrong.

"Mom decided it was time to go after my father was murdered." She kept her voice even, despite the emotions warring inside of her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Kitty flinched. 

She should have told him she was leaving.

A good person would have.

"Kat why didn't you-"

"Kitty."

David snarled, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing her to face him.

"Stop that! Stop avoiding me! Stop avoiding your own name! Tell me why!"

"I changed my nickname. People do that sometimes, David." Kitty hissed, her eyes forming into slits.

"Get your hands off of me."

"Damnit Kat." David released her, kicking at the snow at his feet.

"It's in the past David. It doesn't matter anymore."

"I was in love with you and you disappeared without saying anything to me. It matters to me, not that you care."

Kitty flinched, she deserved it. She hadn't cared.

"You could have at least faced me when you ripped my heart out. It would have been the honorable thing to do."

She looked down at him, hunched over and face in his hands.

She'd hurt him. That much was clear.

"I had to go David." Kitty spoke under her breath, standing from her seat.

"Why?"

"Because I need to get away from the past." She responded before she turned and ran.

"Kat! Kitty, come back!" He called out. His voice sounded desperate as he ran after her but she kept running.

As fast as she could, even when her lungs started to burn she refused to stop until she got home.

Running home and straight into her best friend's arms.

The thing about the past

No matter how fast you run

No matter how far you go

You're going to have to face it one day

Because it will always catch up to you

Always