Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Chapter 11: Am I Wrong


Kitty grimaced at Spikes as she sat across from the cat, the scent of her coffee filling the air.

"I have no idea how you can drink that bitter crap." Kitty shook her head, shoving another spoonful of ice-cream into her mouth.

Spikes rolled her eyes and smiled weakly. She took a small sip of her coffee, missing the days when the caffeine would actually effect her.
Her eyes drifted from Kitty to the trees behind her as he entered her mind.
She hadn't heard from Xander at all since graduation, and she didn't know what to make of it anymore.

She took another sip of her coffee, ignoring the quiet ache in her chest.

"Spikes are you even listening to me?" Kitty whined. She leaned over and flicked Spikes's nose, finally capturing the dog's attention.

"I'm sorry Kitty, what's up?" Spikes asked, her cheeks flushed.

"I was trying to ask if you'd talked to Xander at all."

"Oh." Spikes frowned.

"I just think it's weird that you two have hardly spoken since valentines." Kitty reached up and began twisting stray strands of her hair into small braids.
"Are you two even still together?"

Spikes's eyes widened.
Were they still a couple?

Their argument had made it seem so, and yet neither had actually said it was over.


"I don't know... I really don't after the fight we had." Spikes admitted. 

She sighed heavily, bending over to rest her head against the table's surface.

"Well what happened?" Kitty asked, pausing her ice-cream consumption.
"You never told me what you fought about."

Spikes groaned loudly.
Kitty was the last person that Spikes wanted to talk to about that particular topic.

"Well Xander and I... We slept together."

"... You guys fought over taking a nap together?"

Spikes groaned even louder.

"No Kitty we fucked. I had sex with my boyfriend." Spikes burst out.

Kitty's cheeks flushed bright crimson as she stared down at her lap.

"Oh."

Spikes grinned, almost laughing at her best friend's innocence.
Kitty inhaled deeply before lifting her eyes to meet Spikes's.

"Okay, so why did you two fight about that? Did you not... enjoy it?"

Spikes laughed at Kitty's face contorted with discomfort over the topic as she struggled with her choice of words.

"Honestly it was amazing." Spikes drifted off, reflecting briefly on the night that had taken place so long ago now.

"But?"

"But I guess it wasn't enough for him." Spikes sighed.
"He wants to be with me, but I guess he wants to sleep with other people before he settles for me? I don't understand?"

Kitty frowned sympathetically, reaching her hand out and resting it on Spikes's.
"I hope you know that you deserve so much better than him."

Spikes briefly met her best friend's sapphire gaze before turning away.
"I think I'm just not meant to have people stay in my life."

"Don't you dare start that, Spikes." Kitty hissed. She swatted Spikes's hand before continuing.
"Look, I don't want you with him, but you clearly do want to be with him. So why aren't you doing anything about it?"

"There's nothing I can do Kitty. I'm at a loss." Spikes nearly whined.

"That's bullshit." Kitty continued.
"You can stand up for yourself and demand answers. You're so much stronger than this, and if you want something you need to fight for it."


Spikes's eyes widened as she met the cat's gaze. 
She inhaled deeply.

"You're right." Spikes stood from her seat, tossing her cup into a trash can.
"I am stronger than this."

"Yeah you are." Kitty smiled and jumped up from her seat.

"Thank you." Spikes briefly hugged Kitty before turning and running to her jeep.

"Give him hell, Spikes!" Kitty exclaimed, waving to her best friend as she drove away.

Spikes nodded briefly in acknowledgement and pointed her car towards Xander's apartment.
She was done rolling over and accepting things as they were.
...


Spikes stood infront of Xander's door.
Her stomach was in knots, and she was almost certain she would hurl if it continued.

She'd been so confident and determined after leaving Kitty, but the reality of speaking to him grew more difficult the closer she got to him.

She contemplated turning around.
Leaving things as they were and call it close enough.
Consider herself single from this day forward.

Her chest ached at the thought.
From anger, or sadness she didn't know but it was enough to make her punch the door repeatedly.
Xander opened the door, his eyes wide with shock as they landed on her.


Spikes slapped him, sending him back a few feet.
She stepped inside, pushing him back as her struggled to straighten himself.

"You said you loved me!" Spikes screamed, pushing him again.
"We've been together for so long now, and I thought that meant something."

"Spikes calm down."

"Don't you fucking tell me to calm down." Spikes stomped on the ground, point a finger at Xander.
"Aren't you the man that promised me a better life? Wasn't it you that promised me that you would never let me suffer like I did in the past?"

"Yes, but Spikes-"

"There are no buts here Xander." Spikes sighed, finally lowering the volume of her voice.
"What we have here is you hurting me after you swore you never would."

Spikes collapsed as her legs gave out beneath her. She screamed, punching the ground beneath her eyes burned from the tears she forced back.

"I trusted you. I trusted that I could be safe with you. That I could let down my guard for once in my life."

Xander stared down at her in silence, watching her as she struggled to control the trembling throughout her body.

"I can't handle being the only person putting effort into our relationship, Xander." Spikes lifted her head.
She sighed as she stared into his cold silver eyes.
"I just want someone who cares as much as I do."

Xander nodded briefly before crouching down and pulling her against his chest.


"I'm sorry." His voice was cold, his arms stiff as he held her close. For a moment Spikes swore she could smell women's perfume.
"I thought I was doing what was right by giving you space."

"You didn't even try though." Spikes sighed, backing away from him.
"I tried to talk to you, but you didn't try once."

"I thought I was doing the right thing." Xander repeated.
"I can get better though. I promise I'll try harder not to hurt you. You know I love you."

Spikes sighed.
The words were sweet, but his voice carried no sincerity. 
This was what she wanted.
Wasn't it?

"You're a moron." Spikes whispered, resting her head against his shoulder.
"Though I suppose you wouldn't be a guy if you weren't."

Xander rolled his eyes, almost pushing her off of him as he stood from the floor.
"Do you want some coffee?"

Spikes nodded quietly as she moved to sit at his small table.
"Your apartment looks nice. Did you finally get that promotion at work?"

"Yeah, but it's barely enough to get by." Xander handed her the coffee as he sat down across from her.
"Not all of us are fortunate enough to be taken in by billionaires."

Spikes frowned, staring at the ripples in her coffee.

"Speaking of which, how is the spoiled cat?"

"Don't talk about her like that, Xander." Spikes growled lowly under her breath.

"Why? Because I'm wrong?" Xander chuckled humorlessly.
"No matter how 'nice' she is, or all the hardship you swear she has gone through, she's still just a spoiled kid."


"Can we just talk about what we're going to do, and leave my best friend out of this?" Spikes barked, failing to keep her temper in check.

"Okay. So what do you think we should do?" Xander groaned, leaning back in his seat.

"I want to be with you. I do love you, but I need to know where you stand." Spikes inhaled deeply, trying to slowly her racing heart.

"I love you. I already told you that."

"But you want to have sex with other women."

"I would like to, but if it's this big of a fucking issue I don't have to." Spikes cringed. His tone didn't change, though Spikes swore she could feel hostility in his words.

"I just want to be enough for you." Spikes whispered.

Xander's eyes softened for a moment.

"You're more than enough Spikes. That's why even though I'd like to be with other women, I'm willing to give it up for you."

Spikes smiled weakly, relieved.
"Thank you."

Xander nodded briefly before taking out his phone to glance at it.

"It's coming up soon, isn't it?" Xander spoke up suddenly.
"It's why you snapped today."


Spikes blinked, tilting her head as she stared at him.

"The anniversary of his death is at the end of this week."


"Do you need me to go with you?" Xander asked, reaching out for her hand.
Spikes shook her head, a soft smile on her lips as she stood up.


"No." Spikes sighed.
"No, I think it's about time I introduced him and Kitty."

"I thought you said your brother hated cats?" Xander asked, standing up and following her towards the door.

"He did, but she's my best friend. He can make an exception." Spikes smiled. "Anyways it's getting late and I should be getting home before I worry Kitty."

"You sure you don't want to stay the night?" Xander asked, a smirk almost forming on his lips.

"You're dreaming if you think I'll jump into bed with you so quickly after everything that happened." Spikes stuck her tongue out at him.

"Alright." His voice was cold again as he turned away.

Spikes grabbed his hand, kissing his cheek before making her way towards the door once again.
"I'll see you soon."
...

Kitty trailed behind Spikes anxiously.
Spikes had suddenly entered her room dressed much darker than usual and asked Kitty to go into town with her.

Kitty hadn't thought much of it when she agreed but the sun was setting, temperature dropping and Kitty wanted nothing more than to go home.

Unlike Spikes in her leather jackets the drooped from her shoulders and hung down to her mid thigh, Kitty hadn't thought to bring a jacket.
But she followed Spikes regardless.


"Are you ever going to tell me where we're going?" Kitty finally asked, pausing for a moment.

Spikes continued walked without turning back to Kitty.

"We're almost there. You'll understand then."

Kitty frowned and ran to catch up.
She remained silent until Spikes crossed into a cemetery.

Kitty shook her head and took a few steps back.
"I'm not going in there Spikes. I don't want to."

"Kitty please?" Spikes finally turned to face her best friend.
"This is really important to me. I know you're afraid of cemeteries, but please. I'll never ask you to do this again."


Kitty swallowed and stepped into the cemetery, confused by the almost elated grin on Spikes's face.
Spikes turned back around and walked through the cemetery.

Kitty's stomach turned with each step she took as she trailed slowly behind the dog.

Kitty nearly tripped over Spikes when she suddenly stopped and crouched in front of one of the graves.

Kitty stared at Spikes who remained silent before looking up to read the name on the tombstone.

Takado Rovain

Kitty's heart stopped, as she took a step back.
She struggled to breathe as she stared at the letters carved into stone that made his name.

"Hey Big Brother." Spikes spoke softly, refocusing Kitty's attention and allowing her to catch her breath.
"I'm sorry it's been a while since my last visit, but I wanted to introduce you to someone."

Spikes smiled up at Kitty, gesturing for the cat to sit beside her.
Kitty hesitated, pacing briefly before sitting beside Spikes.

"This is Kitty. She's my best friend in the whole world, and she has helped me through so much, Brother." Spikes spoke to the grave before turning and smiling at Kitty with expectation. 

Kitty grimaced before she too was speaking to the stone slab.

"Hi, Takado?" Kitty suppressed a low laugh. 
"That almost sounds like taco."

Spikes chuckled briefly, waiting for Kitty to continue.

"Well I'm Kitty, and..." Kitty hesitated, glancing at Spikes as she smiled fondly over her brother's grave.
"Your sister is the greatest friend I've ever had. So I hope you don't worry about her because she will never be alone as long as I'm around."

Spikes turned to look at Kitty, tears filled her eyes as she rested her hand over Kitty's before turning back to face the grave.
"See, I told you she was incredible."


"You really miss him don't you?" Kitty whispered, inching closer to Spikes's side.

"Everyday." Spikes shivered as she breathed in the cold air.
"He was so much more than just my big brother. He was like a father to me. My protector and my best friend. No words describe how much I miss him."

Kitty sighed softly and wrapped an arm around Spikes's shoulder.
"You were nine when he passed right? How old was he?"

"Twenty One."

"So he's twelve years older than you?" Kitty chuckled in awe. 
"That's one hell of a difference."

"Yeah, mom figured with how long we demons live it was better to space out how often she had children." Spikes explained.
"At least that's what Takado always told me."


"That makes sense." Kitty nodded in agreement.
"It's still really weird, ya know? Having a friend who's a demon too?"

"Except that you're a cat demon and I'm a dog." Spikes added in.
"Takado would have hated that, but you're amazing so he can get over it."

Kitty laughed, choosing to ignore Spikes's comment about her brother.

"Well we'd better get going." Spikes commented as she stood up.

"I'll come visit again soon Takado. I doubt Kitty will because she hates cemeteries though."

Kitty rolled her eyes before she stood as well.
"I could surprise you."

"Doubtful." Spikes laughed. "I love you, Kado. Bye."

Kitty leaned against Spikes as they walked out of the cemetery.

"Are you going to be alright?"

Spikes nodded briefly.
"I miss him, but life moves on doesn't it?"

Kitty nodded as she let go of Spikes.

"Why don't we calla cab home. It's pretty late to be out at night, even for demons."

"Yeah..." Kitty hesitated as she turned around to face the cemetery. Her eyes found the top of Takado grave quickly, and once again Kitty could feel her heart stop.

"Kitty?" Spikes's voice distracted the cat as she was about to take a step back into the cemetery.

"Sorry, I'm coming." Kitty called out as she turned back to Spikes and ran to catch up with the dog.
"Let's go home."

Kitty smiled brightly at Spikes, hiding the weight in her heart that she couldn't explain.

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