The cold January wind nipped at Spikes's arms as she ran as fast as her legs could carry her through the snow. Damon followed closely at her heels, barking excitedly. Spikes paused at the steps down to the coffee shop under the library. She quickly brushed her her hair back before jumping down the steps.
Spikes grinned as she caught site of a raven haired male. She'd been meeting with the man every week ever since the scene she had caused on Thanksgiving.
She grinned as he waved at her, his own dog barking beside him.
"I'm so sorry I'm late, Vincent." Spikes said, still breathless from her run.
"What?" Spikes blushed, taking a step back.
"Of course not. That would be over kill."
"Something you happen to be very prone to." Vincent shook his head. He opened the door, gesturing for her to step through.
"I guess I am." Spikes giggled as she watched Damon wait for Vincent's dog, Mystic, to enter before he followed her.
"I just lost track of time while finishing filing and filling out some paperwork for The Den. It's so hard to try to start a business at eighteen."
"The Den?" His eyebrow raised for a moment before ordering their drinks, and leading her to where they usually sat.
"It's some bar-club thing I'm opening." Spikes barked happily.
"Kitty financed it for me, but I've done everything else to get ready for it to open."
"That's pretty amazing, especially for your age." Vincent nodded thanks to the waitress that brought them their drinks. Both chuckled as she nearly tripped over the two dogs."
"I'm sure it will be a huge success."
Spikes's cheeks flushed, her eyes on her drink. It was strange for someone to support her goals and be equally excited for her.
She was so accustomed to the way Xander always approached everything.
"So how are you doing with the new relationship in your house?" Vincent laughed, nearly snorting coffee as Spikes groaned loudly and threw her head back.
"That bad?"
"Yes." Spikes sighed.
"They've both overly couple-like, and clueless about a relationship. It's like they don't understand that I don't want to go on their dates with them!"
"Maybe they're just trying to make sure you don't feel left out." Vincent suggested, taking a sip from his coffee.
"You did voice your concerns about being left behind, so they're likely doing what they think is best so you don't feel like an outsider."
"I'm surprised you remember that." Spikes blushed, her eyes on her lap. It had been a long time since a man had paid attention to the way she was feeling. An even longer time since a man had bothered to remember those feelings.
"I just lost track of time while finishing filing and filling out some paperwork for The Den. It's so hard to try to start a business at eighteen."
"The Den?" His eyebrow raised for a moment before ordering their drinks, and leading her to where they usually sat.
"It's some bar-club thing I'm opening." Spikes barked happily.
"Kitty financed it for me, but I've done everything else to get ready for it to open."
"That's pretty amazing, especially for your age." Vincent nodded thanks to the waitress that brought them their drinks. Both chuckled as she nearly tripped over the two dogs."
"I'm sure it will be a huge success."
Spikes's cheeks flushed, her eyes on her drink. It was strange for someone to support her goals and be equally excited for her.
She was so accustomed to the way Xander always approached everything.
"So how are you doing with the new relationship in your house?" Vincent laughed, nearly snorting coffee as Spikes groaned loudly and threw her head back.
"That bad?"
"Yes." Spikes sighed.
"They've both overly couple-like, and clueless about a relationship. It's like they don't understand that I don't want to go on their dates with them!"
"Maybe they're just trying to make sure you don't feel left out." Vincent suggested, taking a sip from his coffee.
"You did voice your concerns about being left behind, so they're likely doing what they think is best so you don't feel like an outsider."
"I'm surprised you remember that." Spikes blushed, her eyes on her lap. It had been a long time since a man had paid attention to the way she was feeling. An even longer time since a man had bothered to remember those feelings.
"I try to remember the things I'm told." Vincent grinned, his ice blue eyes flashing mischievously for a moment.
Spikes felt her cheeks flush, her stomach in knots as she smiled back at him. Followed by a pang of guilt. She shook her head quickly getting a raised eyebrow from Vincent.
This was innocent, it was just coffee and a play date for the dogs.
It didn't matter that his smile was infectious, that he listened and remembered, or that he seemed to take genuine interest in her.
She loved, and was faithful to Xander.
"So how's the boyfriend?" Vincent asked. Spikes jumped, for a moment terrified he'd read her mind.
"I'm only asking because you were upset last week. Were you able to talk to him?"
She nodded slowly, fidgeting with her hands in her lap.
"I talked to him. I tried to bring up my concerns without sounding accusatory like you said, but..." She trailed off, her eyes glued to the falling snow outside.
"But he didn't listen and immediately shut you down again, didn't he?" Spikes nodded slowly at Vincent's question. She sighed softly, attempting to ignore his personal bias.
"I'm sorry, Spikes. You deserve a lot better than him you know."
Spikes felt her cheeks flush, her stomach in knots as she smiled back at him. Followed by a pang of guilt. She shook her head quickly getting a raised eyebrow from Vincent.
This was innocent, it was just coffee and a play date for the dogs.
It didn't matter that his smile was infectious, that he listened and remembered, or that he seemed to take genuine interest in her.
She loved, and was faithful to Xander.
"So how's the boyfriend?" Vincent asked. Spikes jumped, for a moment terrified he'd read her mind.
"I'm only asking because you were upset last week. Were you able to talk to him?"
She nodded slowly, fidgeting with her hands in her lap.
"I talked to him. I tried to bring up my concerns without sounding accusatory like you said, but..." She trailed off, her eyes glued to the falling snow outside.
"But he didn't listen and immediately shut you down again, didn't he?" Spikes nodded slowly at Vincent's question. She sighed softly, attempting to ignore his personal bias.
"I'm sorry, Spikes. You deserve a lot better than him you know."
"I don't feel like it." Spikes whimpered. She rest her head against the table's cool glass surface.
"He won't even touch me anymore. I always thought, at least I have that. He is a man after all, he has desires, but even that is gone."
Vincent reached out, resting his hand over hers. Damon whimpered softly from his seat under the table.
"I just don't understand why I'm never good enough for him."
"Why do you need to be good enough for him?"
Spikes's eyes widened as she looked up from the table. His ice eyes felt like they pierced through her, seeing everything.
"I... He's my mate- boyfriend. I love him." Spikes scratched her head for a moments.
"I want to be what he wants."
"He treats you terribly Spikes." His voice was harsh, but his eyes were gentle as he spoke.
"I just don't see the point in trying to satisfy someone who makes you unhappy, when you could go find someone who would love you exactly as you are.
And honestly, you should only worry about if you're good enough for yourself.
No one else."
He smiled as he watched her cheeks flush and she nervously toyed with her hands under the table. His own cheeks flushed slightly as she looked up at him, pulling a strand of hair and tucking it behind her ear.
"He won't even touch me anymore. I always thought, at least I have that. He is a man after all, he has desires, but even that is gone."
Vincent reached out, resting his hand over hers. Damon whimpered softly from his seat under the table.
"I just don't understand why I'm never good enough for him."
"Why do you need to be good enough for him?"
Spikes's eyes widened as she looked up from the table. His ice eyes felt like they pierced through her, seeing everything.
"I... He's my mate- boyfriend. I love him." Spikes scratched her head for a moments.
"I want to be what he wants."
"He treats you terribly Spikes." His voice was harsh, but his eyes were gentle as he spoke.
"I just don't see the point in trying to satisfy someone who makes you unhappy, when you could go find someone who would love you exactly as you are.
And honestly, you should only worry about if you're good enough for yourself.
No one else."
He smiled as he watched her cheeks flush and she nervously toyed with her hands under the table. His own cheeks flushed slightly as she looked up at him, pulling a strand of hair and tucking it behind her ear.
"I hope everything goes well with your bar." Vincent encouraged her, wrapping his arms around her waist.
"You should come!" Spikes squeaked, her cheeks turning bright red. She quickly pulled her wallet from her bag, retrieving a purple card from it.
"Here, it's a ticket to opening night. It's next week, and... Well I'd really like it if you could be there."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Vincent grinned, placing the card in his jacket pocket. Mystic growled quietly beside him.
"I should get her home before she gets upset with me."
"Yeah, me too. Takado gets weird if I'm home too late." Spikes reached over, patting Mystic's head.
Vincent pulled her into his arms once more, both lingering for a few seconds before Spikes backed away.
"I'll see you opening night!"
"You should come!" Spikes squeaked, her cheeks turning bright red. She quickly pulled her wallet from her bag, retrieving a purple card from it.
"Here, it's a ticket to opening night. It's next week, and... Well I'd really like it if you could be there."
"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Vincent grinned, placing the card in his jacket pocket. Mystic growled quietly beside him.
"I should get her home before she gets upset with me."
"Yeah, me too. Takado gets weird if I'm home too late." Spikes reached over, patting Mystic's head.
Vincent pulled her into his arms once more, both lingering for a few seconds before Spikes backed away.
"I'll see you opening night!"
"Yeah." Vince crouched down, kissing Mystic's head as he ran his hand across her fur.
"What have I gotten myself into baby girl?"
You found a mate, Daddy.
He shook his head as he stood up, and began to walk towards his car.
"She has a boyfriend." Vincent sighed softly.
"And I have other things to take care of before I even consider dating."
Maybe after you find her?
"Yeah, Maybe then."
...
"What have I gotten myself into baby girl?"
You found a mate, Daddy.
He shook his head as he stood up, and began to walk towards his car.
"She has a boyfriend." Vincent sighed softly.
"And I have other things to take care of before I even consider dating."
Maybe after you find her?
"Yeah, Maybe then."
...
.
Four in the morning and Spikes lay in bed staring at the ceiling, once again unable to sleep. She had credited her insomnia to the stress of the bar opening within the week. However her conversation with Vincent now lead her to believe that perhaps her sleepless nights were caused by something, or someone, else.
She groaned quietly, rolling over to grab her phone off of her night stand.
-Hey... if you're up, I need to talk.-
She hesitated after sending it, wondering if it might be better if she dealt with this alone, but within seconds there was a knock at her door.
She groaned quietly, rolling over to grab her phone off of her night stand.
-Hey... if you're up, I need to talk.-
She hesitated after sending it, wondering if it might be better if she dealt with this alone, but within seconds there was a knock at her door.
"Doctor Who marathon again?" Spikes joked, noting the bags under her eyes.
"Shush you. We just got to the good part, I couldn't go to sleep yet." Kitty yawned, pushing past Spikes and entering the room.
"So what's going on?"
Spikes sighed, sitting down on her bed.
"You were right. I've been lying to myself about my relationship with Xander." Spikes sighed softly, lifting her hand to her eyes.
"I... I think I need to break up with him."
Kitty's eyes softened. She nodded slowly, inching closer towards Spikes.
"You can cheer now if you want."
"I'm not going to cheer Spikes." Kitty rolled her eyes.
"I... I've wanted you to leave him for a while, but are you sure you want this?"
"Shush you. We just got to the good part, I couldn't go to sleep yet." Kitty yawned, pushing past Spikes and entering the room.
"So what's going on?"
Spikes sighed, sitting down on her bed.
"You were right. I've been lying to myself about my relationship with Xander." Spikes sighed softly, lifting her hand to her eyes.
"I... I think I need to break up with him."
Kitty's eyes softened. She nodded slowly, inching closer towards Spikes.
"You can cheer now if you want."
"I'm not going to cheer Spikes." Kitty rolled her eyes.
"I... I've wanted you to leave him for a while, but are you sure you want this?"
"What's with you playing devil's advocate?" Spikes growled, clearly annoyed.
"I'm not. I just want to make sure this is what you really want." Kitty said gently, resting her hand over her best friend's.
"You need to do this for yourself, not anyone else."
Spikes paused, for a moment she wondered if Kitty knew about Vincent. For a moment tempted to tell her, but he had become almost a safe haven for her. A haven she wasn't ready for anyone to intrude one.
But no. This wasn't for Vincent, though it had been trigger by him. His words still floating through her head.
"No... This is for me. I..." Spikes paused, she could feel tears building in her eyes.
"I deserve better than this."
Spikes rubbed her eyes, forcing back any tears that might slip.
"I deserve someone who cares about me, about my interests. Someone who won't abandon me over the holidays, without so much as a word to me. Someone who says they're faithful and I can feel like I believe. Someone who will touch me, and not just sexually, but hold my hand, maybe wrap an arm around me while we're watching something on TV.
"I'm not. I just want to make sure this is what you really want." Kitty said gently, resting her hand over her best friend's.
"You need to do this for yourself, not anyone else."
Spikes paused, for a moment she wondered if Kitty knew about Vincent. For a moment tempted to tell her, but he had become almost a safe haven for her. A haven she wasn't ready for anyone to intrude one.
But no. This wasn't for Vincent, though it had been trigger by him. His words still floating through her head.
"No... This is for me. I..." Spikes paused, she could feel tears building in her eyes.
"I deserve better than this."
Spikes rubbed her eyes, forcing back any tears that might slip.
"I deserve someone who cares about me, about my interests. Someone who won't abandon me over the holidays, without so much as a word to me. Someone who says they're faithful and I can feel like I believe. Someone who will touch me, and not just sexually, but hold my hand, maybe wrap an arm around me while we're watching something on TV.
"I think it's better to be single than in a one sided relationship, don't you?" Kitty said gently. Spikes nodded, her eyes on her ceiling once more.
"I'm just scared... Not of being single, but of being without him."
"You've lost a lot of people in your lifetime Spikes." Kitty's voice was just above a whisper, her eyes on her feet as she spoke.
"For a long time he's been one of the few constants in your life. It's natural to be scared of what will happen once you let go. But that doesn't mean you should keep holding on."
Kitty squirmed closer, wrapping her arms around Spikes. She finally caved and began to cry, burying her face in Kitty's ebony hair.
"You'll get through this. One way or another, things will get better from here.
...
"I'm just scared... Not of being single, but of being without him."
"You've lost a lot of people in your lifetime Spikes." Kitty's voice was just above a whisper, her eyes on her feet as she spoke.
"For a long time he's been one of the few constants in your life. It's natural to be scared of what will happen once you let go. But that doesn't mean you should keep holding on."
Kitty squirmed closer, wrapping her arms around Spikes. She finally caved and began to cry, burying her face in Kitty's ebony hair.
"You'll get through this. One way or another, things will get better from here.
...
Spikes could feel her heart race as she sat down at the edge of Xander's bed. She hadn't wanted to accept his invitation to stay the night, but she also knew it was the only way she would get a chance to talk to him.
A lump formed in her throat as he entered the room, kicking off his shoes and laid down beside her.
"Xander..." Her voice was a whisper as she laid down, hesitantly looking into his eyes.
"We need to talk."
"Can't it wait until morning, Spikes?" He groaned loudly, his eyes narrowing.
"I'm fucking exhausted from work."
"Not this time." She inhaled deeply, her body trembling as she struggled to speak.
"Xander, do you love me?"
A lump formed in her throat as he entered the room, kicking off his shoes and laid down beside her.
"Xander..." Her voice was a whisper as she laid down, hesitantly looking into his eyes.
"We need to talk."
"Can't it wait until morning, Spikes?" He groaned loudly, his eyes narrowing.
"I'm fucking exhausted from work."
"Not this time." She inhaled deeply, her body trembling as she struggled to speak.
"Xander, do you love me?"
"Seriously? That's what we're going to do right now? We're going to fight." He growled lowly.
"Yes, I love you. Why else would I put up with you?"
"Xander please just stop being angry." Spikes said softly. She reached out and laid her hand over his.
"I just want to talk right now."
She sighed softly, watching him, waiting for his anger to cool off.
"Maybe you do love me, in you own way." Spikes whispered, mostly to herself.
"I can't do this anymore... You're so distant now, you're always putting me down. I deserve better. I deserve someone who doesn't 'put up with me', but loves everything about me."
"What are you saying Spikes?" His voice was quiet, eyes far from hers.
"... We should see other people?"
She shook her head slowly, eyes on the ceiling. She couldn't stare into his which were so sad, and yet still far from her own.
"I'm saying we shouldn't see each other anymore. I've gone through enough, Xander." Her eyes began to fill with tears.
"I love you Xander, but this isn't an ultimatum. We need to stop lying to ourselves. It's over for us."
"Carissa..."
"Don't try to stop me by using my full name." Spikes whimpered. She rolled over on top of her, his hand resting on her hip.
"Yes, I love you. Why else would I put up with you?"
"Xander please just stop being angry." Spikes said softly. She reached out and laid her hand over his.
"I just want to talk right now."
She sighed softly, watching him, waiting for his anger to cool off.
"Maybe you do love me, in you own way." Spikes whispered, mostly to herself.
"I can't do this anymore... You're so distant now, you're always putting me down. I deserve better. I deserve someone who doesn't 'put up with me', but loves everything about me."
"What are you saying Spikes?" His voice was quiet, eyes far from hers.
"... We should see other people?"
She shook her head slowly, eyes on the ceiling. She couldn't stare into his which were so sad, and yet still far from her own.
"I'm saying we shouldn't see each other anymore. I've gone through enough, Xander." Her eyes began to fill with tears.
"I love you Xander, but this isn't an ultimatum. We need to stop lying to ourselves. It's over for us."
"Carissa..."
"Don't try to stop me by using my full name." Spikes whimpered. She rolled over on top of her, his hand resting on her hip.
"I'm not trying to stop you." He whispered, his lips grazing her jawline.
"I'm sorry. For everything."
"Xander..."
"Just... let me try." He whispered, a tear slipping from his eye.
He cupped her cheek, slowly meeting his trembling lips to hers. He trailed kisses down her neck, slowly pulling her underneath himself.
She could feel him shaking, the fear and pain they both shared.
"I'm sorry. For everything."
"Xander..."
"Just... let me try." He whispered, a tear slipping from his eye.
He cupped her cheek, slowly meeting his trembling lips to hers. He trailed kisses down her neck, slowly pulling her underneath himself.
She could feel him shaking, the fear and pain they both shared.
Each kiss he placed on her porcelain skin burned her down to her fading heart. She closed her eyes, hoping that for a moment she might feel something.
"Vin-" She gasped, quickly covering her mouth as the man with raven hair and ice blue eyes came to her mind.
Fresh tears fell from her eyes.
She didn't want to think of anyone else. She wanted Xander to be the one who made her heart race. She wanted Xander to be the one she thought of in this moment with his hands on her.
She could feel his lips trembling as they grazed across her skin, feeling his sorrow in his touch.
"Vin-" She gasped, quickly covering her mouth as the man with raven hair and ice blue eyes came to her mind.
Fresh tears fell from her eyes.
She didn't want to think of anyone else. She wanted Xander to be the one who made her heart race. She wanted Xander to be the one she thought of in this moment with his hands on her.
She could feel his lips trembling as they grazed across her skin, feeling his sorrow in his touch.
She could feel his touches slow. His head resting against he chest as he relented, laying next to her. His arms wrapped around her wait as tears began to slip from his eyes.
She slowly ran her hand through his hair, tracing circles against his skin with her finger as they laid there in silence.
...
She slowly ran her hand through his hair, tracing circles against his skin with her finger as they laid there in silence.
...
Spikes stood in a daze, grinning from ear to ear as she watched people dance and thrash to the music that filled the room. Opening night was turning into a huge success, and in light of her recently relationship failure she needed this good evening.
She took the stairs two at a time into the quieter upstairs lounge area. She glanced around the room, looking for Kitty and Takado.
Her frown was quickly replaced by a smile when she found Vincent instead of her best friend.
"You made it." Spikes ran over to him. He took her by surprise, lifting her into his arms and spinning her around.
"This place looks incredible Spikes, you must be so proud of yourself." Vincent laughed, his eyes wide as he looked around with a smile on his face.
He set her down, ignoring the bright read flush of her cheeks.
"Thank you." She could barely be heard over even the quieter lounge's music.
"I'm sorry. I guess I got carried away with my own excitement." He blushed lightly.
"How are you doing? Did your boyfriend make it?"
Spikes's body went rigid, her eyes on the floor. Her mind and heart raced as she tried to think of what to say, how she would tell Vincent they'd broken up.
Her thoughts dissipated as he rest his hand on her shoulder."Hey we'll just talk about it next week over coffee okay?" He said gently, brushing a strand of hair out of her face.
"I like the new hair by the way. It's cute."
"Thank you." Spikes's blush spread, turning even the tips of her ears red.
"I hope you have fun tonight but I have to go and check on things. Make sure everything is running smoothly, you know?"
"I'm actually going to head out now." Vincent chuckled lightly.
"I promised Mystic I wouldn't be out too late, but I had to see you before I left."
"Thank you for coming Vincent." She hugged him briefly.
"It means more to me than you can imagine."
Spikes sighed, running back down to the lower level of the club. She was the owner, she had to make sure everything went smoothly.
Even if Vincent's early departure had put a damper on her mood.
Spikes wandered around the club, drifting between the drunks, the dancers, and the couples. She'd had to break up a few fights, but it hadn't been a problem.
Her heart sank into her stomach, her eyes falling on the one person she's hoped wouldn't come. Even worse, he'd brought a date.
She moved between the dancers, her eyes glued to his figure as he engaged the tiny female in conversation.
She forced herself to step away. Not to approach, not to scream, not to be the biggest scene in her own club.
And then he walked away, leaving the girl their.
Her self control left with him.
Her heart sank into her stomach, her eyes falling on the one person she's hoped wouldn't come. Even worse, he'd brought a date.
She moved between the dancers, her eyes glued to his figure as he engaged the tiny female in conversation.
She forced herself to step away. Not to approach, not to scream, not to be the biggest scene in her own club.
And then he walked away, leaving the girl their.
Her self control left with him.
"How are you enjoying the club?" Spikes asked brightly as she approached the girl.
"My boyfriend is friends with the owner apparently. He said I'd love the place, and he was completely right."
Spikes clenched her fists, forcing down the lump forming in her throat.
"Well I'm the owner. My name is Spikes, and I had no idea Xander had gotten a new girlfriend." Spikes forced the words out, forcing them to sound casual.
"My name's Lexie." She grabbed Spikes's hand, shaking it wildly.
"And yes it's short for Alexandria. I know it's stupid."
"How long have you been with Xander? I'm embarrassed that, as his old friend, I didn't know about you sooner." Spikes pried, hoping to find the evidence she'd been searching for so long for.
"Only a day actually." She chuckled, biting down on her bottom lip.
"I mean we've been hooking up for months, but only official as of today."
Spikes bit down on the inside of her cheeks so hard she tasted blood, her eyes glaring at the floor as Lexie continued to ramble on.
"I normally don't tell people this, but since you're an old friend that means you already know what he's like. I guess his ex decided she didn't want him to sleep with other people anymore and got herself dumped." She giggled lightly.
"I mean it's her fault really. You can't expect someone like him to be satisfied by only one woman."
"I remember it different." Spikes spoke slowly, her voice dripping with malice as a cruel smirk on her lips.
"I remember being the one to break up with him. I also remember him crying and desperately trying to change my mind after I'd made my decision."
Lexie took a step back from Spikes, shaking her head, hands clenched together in front of her chest.
"I-I..."
"Shut your trap!" Spikes growled, back Lexie against a wall.
"You listen and you listen good. You get the fuck out of here, away from me and my club. And for your own good, I suggest you leave him while you can.
That man turns everything he touches to ash."
She nodded quickly and ran outside, pushing past Xander on her way to the door.
"Spikes what the-" He was cut off by her hand gripping his throat and slamming him against a wall.
"How dare you. How dare you come here and have the arrogance to bring your new little whore with you?" Spikes snarled, her nails dug into his skin, beginning to draw blood.
"I wasted years of my life with you. Couldn't let go because I loved you and in a skewed sense I thought you loved me too.
I should have left you years ago. Now get out of my club, and if I ever see you again I'll fucking kill you."
She threw Xander down and he quickly stood up, shooting her a glare as he headed for the door.
"What's opening night without drama?" She sighed, smiling as the bartender handed her a can of soda.
She quickly made her way back to the lounge area, surprised to find Kitty and Takado had brought Sabbith and Gabriel to the club's opening.
Spikes grinned as Kitty bounced with excitement, wrapping Spikes in her arms before returning to Takado's side. Even Kitty's feigned excitement was infectious as she pulled at Spikes's hands towards the group.
She inhaled deeply, putting on her best fake grin and pretended. Pretended her ex hadn't just broken her heart all over again.
Pretended it didn't hurt to see her brother more concerned with Kitty's mild discomfort in the club that her internal struggle.
Pretend it wasn't killing her to see Kitty grow close to another friend.
Pretend she didn't feel like a monster pushed outside of what she'd thought was her family.
Takado glanced up at her for a second, their eyes meeting.
Concern rest there as he watched her, but she smiled sweetly and his attention returned to Kitty.
...
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